Part of the Substack Mental Health Trilogy
Blowing Up & Tiny White-on-Orange Numbers
Some time a couple of months ago, Dorie and I met here on Substack. No idea how and when exactly. Something just clicked and we started bouncing ideas, reading each other’s work and regularly messaging. We became friends, shared about or families and real lives. Now, we’re part of each other’s very small circle of closer friends met on Substack. We support and encourage each other as we are growing our respective communities and interacting with a lot of different people on a daily basis.
Between December and the beginning of the new year, as I launched the House of Chapters publication and Dorie the White Rabbit Poetry Society publication, our subscriber count started increasing at a pace we could have only hoped for before, but also didn’t expect to be dealing with so quickly.
Also for me personally, I know I’m always chasing the next dopamine high. It can be a video game. It can be playing the guitar. Writing a song. Recording it. Writing a chapter. Starting a Podcast. Doing a new collab with someone or starting something else new and seeing how far I can take it. There’s a reason why I don’t have notifications turned on on my phone at all.
So when notifications and DMs kept coming on Substack, sometimes at a dizzying pace, sometimes even in an overwhelming amount, we talked about it. We vented with each other when some unwanted drama appeared alongside all the wonderful comments and messages and projects we are part of.
But most of all, we realized it was becoming too much. Full time jobs, families, our own writing projects and an amount of online presence that was starting to feel like a job.
So we knew we needed to set some boundaries for our mental health and started holding each other accountable and checking in to make sure the other one was okay.
When we managed a healthier way of dealing with Substack again, we decided we wanted to share our experiences and lessons with our communities. That’s how this collab was born.
One Small Habit at a Time
In this post, I tell my story about how I got to the point where I realized something needed to change in my life. A wonderful therapist and many life lessons guided me to set boundaries in my real life, as well as on Substack. Together we crafted a balanced approach to the craziness that is social media.
Changing patterns wasn’t an overnight immediate transformation. There was no quick New Year’s resolution that fizzled out in a week. I started small. We tackled the most important thing first, my body. If the body isn’t functioning, nothing else can.
Our first step was water. Just adding water at specific intervals until it became automatic. I started with timers.
Next was meals. Our family habit was eating alone, often with the TV on. My then-husband didn’t like the dining table. He thought it was too much trouble. The table was the family catch all. So, I cleared it off and insisted we all sit down together. That was the only rule for a couple weeks.
Then, I added: sit down, eat, no electronics.
Later: sit down, eat, no electronics, make eye contact, talk.
Now, even with guests, the rule stands firm. No electronics at the table. We share about our day and say one thing we’re grateful for. This small, consistent practice became one of our most protected family habits. We all ate better, and we grew closer. This led to family nights. Game board night and movie night. The children have video gaming nights where even the grown and moved away siblings come.
You might be thinking: what is she talking about? What does a family dinner have to do with online life?
I use this example because it illustrates the process. You build habits slowly, layer by layer, until they become unconscious practice. The same principle applies to everything, especially our digital lives. Without balance, it’s not sustainable—it’s not healthy.
I do my best, but I am human. Sometimes I miss my own goals. If something is urgently on my mind and I need to write it out, I might miss my bedtime. The point isn’t perfection, it’s consistent practice and gentle return.
These are my core boundaries and habits I’ve been building over the last three years. They are my foundation of being.
Ian and I share many of them, which is another thing we have in common.
The Non-Negotiables
D: Dorie Snow/雪多丽 / I: Ian DM Taniels
1. Sleep is Your Best Friend.
I: It’s very important for me to get 7h30 of sleep to function properly at work and be a good dad and husband, so inside my bedroom my phone only functions as an alarm clock. No Substack on it anymore.
D: My sleep window is 11 PM to 6:30 AM. All my Apple devices go into a Focus mode at 10:30 PM and don’t come back online until 6:30 AM.
2. Hydration is Non-negotiable.
D: I love my coffee, but I start and end my day with a glass of water. My daily minimum is eight glasses. I started with timers too but then it became a regular habit.
I: This is something I’m still working on and Dorie has helped me a lot. I’m drinking way more water now next to my 5-6 espressi a day. I haven’t had a lot of sugar in my diet for years.
3. Protected Family Time.
I: I’m of the cold-turkey-addiction-beating kind. So when I realized Substack was making me forget all the rules my wife and I have for ourselves and around the kids, I started coming home and putting my phone on top of the library. Before that, I had deleted the Substack app. No phones at the table, no vibration, everything muted.
D: During family dinner, homework time, movie nights, outings, birthday parties, or celebrations, my phone is on Do Not Disturb. My family deserves my full attention.
4. Designated Digital Time.
D: After my morning meditation and water, I dedicate one hour to answering messages across all my platforms (WeChat, Substack, Instagram, Blue Note, 小红书). Then, I start my day by making a list of things that must be done. During work and family time, notifications are muted. I will never apologize for that.
I: I went back to doing Substack on the side, when I have time during work breaks or the kids are not around. Then I check in in the evening. I’m currently rarely on reddit and never on IG, TikTok or anything else. WhatsApp is just for texting in a normal way.
5. Balance Creativity and Writing Practice.
I: Tuesday mornings are for my story. Podcast interviews are sporadical. Since I have that one window, when I sit down I’m pretty much always inspired. Otherwise I know that I can also not write and it’s better to just leave it instead of forcing it.
D: I can write for hours. I get so focused I forget everything else. I use timers to remind myself to take breaks, stretch, or walk.
6. Intentional Community Engagement.
D: Substack, like any community of humans, requires commitment. I can’t expect engagement if I don’t reciprocate. I schedule two days a week to read and comment on others’ work. Links people send me are saved immediately. I limit myself to 20 articles a day.
I: For the House of Chapters Story Highlights, I currently read 8 first chapters a week. For the Reciprocal Reading Event, two more. Every week or two, I have an interview for the Podcast. I restack, promote the HoC. I DM with lots and lots of Serialized Fiction authors about all kinds of things or to plan collabs and featuring. I try to read a couple of blog posts and poems a week too and many notes. I do that on the side, too, on days where I don’t post myself or am less busy. If I’m feeling burnout-y, I focus on the posts that are scheduled.
What about you?
What habits have you cultivated throughout the years that have helped you in life or online? Or which ones are you currently building step by step?
Cold turkey? Timers? Pull the plug? How do you deal with Substack burnout?
Did we miss something important?
Let us know in the comments! We’d love to hear from you.
What we’re usually up to
Ian DM Taniels is writing “Would You Like Some More Help?” (releases on Tuesdays), curating the House Of Chapters, Home of Serialized Fiction, here on Substack (including a Podcast) and has as many projects as his free time allows. Positive, helpful, community or self-improvement-focused blog posts are coming out on Saturdays.
Dorie Snow/雪多丽 is currently writing “Purpose” and curates and promotes Poetry at the White Rabbit Poetry Society.
The Substack Mental Health Trilogy
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Thank you for inviting me to write this piece with you, it turned out wonderfully. I always look forward to our collaboration. You are especially great to work with. Thank you for putting up with all of my idiosyncrasies.
Thanks for this piece! Great to see I’m not mad in thinking Substack/online life can overtake other areas of life if we aren’t careful!